Can We Stop Being Ignorant and Start Listening to Other People’s Stories?
Because the world needs more listeners.
“I don’t know what I have to do anymore, It feels like everything is falling apart” Those lines came from one of my closest friend, a security guard at neighborhood Starbucks.
I have always been an introvert, it’s hard for me to make a conversation with other people, to find the courage to say the first word, I just couldn’t do it.
The truth is I have always been interested to know someone else’s stories, but how do I have the courage to start the conversation? Now that’s a million-dollar question, the thing is I think too much rather than making an actual effort.
Everytime I wanted to have a conversation, I always think of a perfect opening line and ended talking with myself for hours “wow that’s so awkward” or “well you could pick a better opening line”, in the end, I will always run out of time and not having a conversation with that person at all.
Back in 2018, I saw a movie called Green Book, it’s a beautiful and touching movie at the same time, there’s a dialogue in the movie that hit me the most.
The world is full of lonely people afraid to make their first move
That dialogue hit me the most because I believe that as a human being, deep in our hearts we always wanted to connect with others, but sometimes it’s hard to do it.
We are afraid of the results, we are afraid to make our first moves, to connect and touch another human being, but what I have learned over the past years, the results are not something that matters the most, it’s the effort that counts.
As I’m trying to make a better person of myself, I know that I have to find the courage to make an actual conversation, I have stopped thinking about the outcomes and focusing on the efforts.
That little effort of trying to connect with another human being must be one of the things that changed my life.
Being a stranger in a stranger city, I have no friends, I have to start from the beginning, knowing that the world is too cruel and empty to roam alone, having someone to roam it together wouldn’t hurt.
We are afraid of other people
I know for some people, it’s better to be alone, it’s the most convenient way to enjoy life, all you have to do is focus on yourself rather than spending your thoughts getting headache from other persons.
Maybe we are not always like this, maybe we have been hurt, we have been disappointed and at some point in our lives, we feel that trusting another person is just a stupid thing to do.
Then we build ourselves a huge wall, blocking emotions and affections from the surrounding, guarding ourselves inside that huge wall. We push those people that want to connect with us before they even get to know us.
The truth is, from what I have been through, I couldn’t be more agree with that point of view, having someone in our life will only lead us to disappointment, but it’s an imperfect world that we live in, that makes people inside of it imperfect too.
They are just like us, imperfect but still worthy of love and belongings, we never know if actions and words that we did might be hurt someone’s else feeling, in other words, we are going to break each other’s hearts, intentionally or unintentionally.
I have been there too where I feel everyone that want to connect with me was trying to take advantage of me, but maybe I was wrong, maybe they just want and be my friend, look at how many people that I have pushed? I couldn’t even count it.
Once I changed my perspective, maybe my friendships or relations will get me broken, but I don’t care about what’s going to happen in the end, because everything comes to an end, and when it happens I would just say se la vie — it’s life.
Maybe you have been on your own for too long too, but trust me, life would be so much better when you have friends to share all your problems or even achievements, isn’t life would be much easier if you have a co-pilot?
We listen to reply not to understand them
If there’s any kind of magic in this world it must be in the attempt of understanding someone sharing something. I know, it’s almost impossible to succeed but who cares really? The answer must be in the attempt
That quote comes from Before Sunrise movie, I couldn’t agree more with the quotes, we are almost always failed understanding someone, in fact we are horrible at this, but that’s not even the case, that’s not even the reason to be ignorant and stop caring to other people.
Back to the security guard story, he mentioned something about his jobs, he’s contract at one of the company is about to be expired, and the company couldn’t renew him because of the financial situation of the company due to Covid.
That’s something that understandable for him and for me that the company had to relieve him. I could just say that and end the conversation with him, that would save me some energy to not thinking about his problems, right?
But how he actually shared his story to me, he knows that I’m one of his friends that worth to be told, he valued me as a friend, that’s one of the best things a friend could do, I feel touched by it.
The truth is I don’t know what to answer him rather than giving him affirmations and look the matters from a positive side.
I said,
“Being security is very time consuming, you are here for like 12 hours everyday, and you also have to go back and forth to your house which is quite far, that means you have spent about 14 hours just to work, I don’t hate your job and I admire what you do for your family, but you also have children right? I grew up in a family where my parents were always busy working, and I barely had the chance to talk with them, now I’m old enough to understand that that’s something that they had to do in able to support me, but one day when I have my own family, I wish I can be there for my family all the time, listening to their stories, listening to my kid’s story having a fight with another kid at the school or to what new recipe that my wife makes because now I also want to share my stories, my secrets to my parents but it’s awkward to do it because we are not used to doing it, maybe now it’s your chances to listen to your kid’s stories”
Then his response makes my heart melt.
“Maybe you are right, I always remember that one of my kid always waited for me to come home, he even didn’t want to go to bed until his father comes to home, I’m sorry that your parents had to work so hard, but that doesn’t they don’t love you, they do it because they want to give you the best things in the world and they love you so much”
We both smiled and having another conversation of one funny customer that always use funny shirt. That decision in my life, where I chose to really listen and try to feel what other people are feeling, gave me something that I can’t buy, the emotions behind it.
I never hated my parents for being busy all the time, but I wished it could’ve been different, listening to my friend saying that they had to do it because they care about me, gave me another level of understanding, it’s always nice to listen to someone else’s stories, it provides a new point of view the way we look into things.
Then the security guard was relieved from his job, and I haven’t seen him for a while, but I still keep in touch with him from time to time, see where’s he’s going.
The last time I talked with him, he made a small workshop in his house, where he gets to earn money and spend his time with his family all the time, he’s very grateful for it and I’m grateful to have the chance be one of his friends.
Everyone has their own stories that worth to be shared
I know how exciting and inspiring it is to read the story of Elon Musk making Tesla and SpaceX from the scratch, or a biography of Jeff Bezos becoming one of the richest persons in the world.
We tend to listen to the famous ones and forget that people in our environment has their own story that worth to be told too.
Over the past years, I have tried my best to listen to other people stories and gain knowledge and mostly life lessons from them, here are a few of their stories that I’m grateful that I’m able to listen to them.
The guy who cleans the street every morning
Back in my first college years, I had a habit where I didn’t sleep at the night, that’s where I spent most of my time writing in a coffee shop, I have always seen this guy came every morning to clean the street.
He brought his equipment into his and start sweeping the street around 4 to 7 in the morning. I’m grateful that I had the chance to listen to his story.
One morning after saw him too often, I decided it’s best for me to appreciate what he did, I bought mineral water and gave it to him. I said to him,
“Hey, I just wanted to say how I appreciate your work, so thank you for keeping the city clean, I’m proud of you, here’s a mineral water so you don’t get thirsty”
That simple opening lines get me into a conversation with him, he mentioned how grateful it is that he was given that job by the government, I do remember him saying
“It’s maybe one of the best jobs in the city, you get paid while doing workout in the same time, I mostly came here with a bike, then just walk while cleaning the streets, it keeps me healthy, I’m grateful to the government”
Parents who are selling coffee at the station
Once I was at the station waiting for my train, it was 4 am in the morning, and the train arrived at 5 am, I spent my time looking for a quick breakfast among those street vendors that then leads me to one of the interesting stories I have ever heard.
The conversation began when they asked where I’m going, I explained that I’m waiting for my train to go back to the city for college. It turns out that their daughter was also studying there.
With a smirk on their faces, they explained how proud they are that they are able to support their daughter so she’s able to study, the daughter taking an Economics major. Here’s come touching quotes from the wife.
“I might be gonna stuck here selling coffee for small money, but it doesn’t matter to me because I’m proud that I’m able to send my daughter to college, it was hard work for me and I’m proud of what I have done, sometimes my daughter calls me and we have a conversation, I miss her so much, she mentioned that she joined a religious extracurricular and becomes one of the important persons in that organization, I’m proud of her”
One of my regular customer at Starbucks
I used to work as a Barista at Starbucks, and I loved my job very much, because I got to listen to other people's stories, there’s one person that I like to talk with and I have learned a lot from him.
He was in his 60s, he graduated from one of the most prestigious engineering universities in Germany and now he’s working as a consultant.
I do remember one night he was at the store, and we had an interesting conversation about life.
I asked him,
“What’s the best advice that you can give for a teenager like me?”
After he thought for a few minutes then he answers,
“You have to be honest all the time, no matter how hard it is, no matter how people going to hate you because of your honesty, it doesn’t matter because knowledge is something that you can learn, you can learn it and sometimes we forget it, I have learned so many things about engineering and sometimes I forget about it, but honesty, it’s something that sticks with a person, it’s what matters the most to me, it shows a quality of a human being”.
Now all the conversations that I have written in this article are not in English, but I tried my best to make it as close as the actual conversation that I had.
The last quote that I want to use to close this article is from Ferries Bueller’s Days Off.
“Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”
I hope something that I wrote today could benefit the readers, and there’s no greater time to start listening to other people’s stories than now.
