Being The Guy Who Lives in His Own Fairy Tales.
Show me your wounds and I will tell you how brave you are, show me your pains and I will remind you how proud I am.
Everyone has scars in their bodies or even in their souls. I do have it too, I have been hurt and I have been broken, feeling betrayed or sometimes disappointed.
Most of my friends said that I’m living in my own fairy tale, and I couldn’t distinguish the reality and my own fantasy.
I saw things differently in my life, I often lost in my own thought, in a world that I have created for myself, in a world where I got to be a knight, and be a hero.
All these things that I have always believed, all the values that I adored, sometimes doesn’t even make sense in a world full of people, one too many, my friends judged me as a ‘crazy’ person, well maybe they were right.
As I was trying to implement all the core values that I have always believed, life keeps pushing me to go back to the reality, where everything seems to be a little bit too much and confusing.
Which in the end everything that I have always believed in, always leads me to disappointments in life, adding more scars to this poor heart of mine.
I will give you a good example of how life seems to be always killing our expectations, trying to distinguish reality and our own fantasy.
Here’s a story of a guy who loves too much.
When most people believed that everyone in this world will always break our hearts, intentionally or unintentionally. He believed in unconditional love, where he gave something and hoping nothing in return.
He was in his 20s, trying to figuring things in life, with a dream to make something useful for mankind. Though nothing in life could be predictable, he always believed that one day, he will meet someone that he will spend the rest of his lives with.
Someone that will love him through his best and his worst days, someone to celebrate when he accomplished his achievements, and someone to hug when life lets him down.
One day he met that person, in the oddest way that he could possibly imagine, as simple as scrolling feeds into feeds on Twitter, that’s where he found her. He always romanticized to meet his true love in a coffee shop as he was sitting in Paris but meeting someone on Twitter was good enough for him.
At first, he was so scared, he asked himself question after question,
“Do I really like this girl?”
“Do I really curious about her?”
“Is this just another crush that will be gone within weeks?”
He believed that the only thing that can answer all those questions is time, so he gave his old-time pal time to do the work. He made a promise to himself that when in a month he still curious about her, that’s where he can approach her.
Days have passed as weeks have added into a month, he still gets very curious about her, in fact, he did a lot of research about her, trying to figure out what she likes and what she hates.
Before he even had the chance to approach her, he found out that she came from a respectable family, he looked into himself and found nothing but unworthiness of himself, another question just came into his own mind.
“You are nothing compared to her, you are unworthy, and there is no way to get her in your life”.
For most people who approached things more realistically, all the signs could tell them nothing but to stop and pull the emergency brake, but instead of doing it, he went for it, that’s how crazy he was.
When the stars perfectly aligned and he had the chance to walk with her, he didn’t take it for granted, he cherished every conversation with her, and remembering all the things that she said to him.
He loves her, so much.
Though there are a lot of lies in this world, loving her was not one of them.
As the conversation grows so was his feeling for her, it was the best time for him, he wanted her so much, he wanted her to accompany him for the rest of his life, to take over the world together.
She gave him a huge boost to do anything that he seems impossible in his life better, everything seems to be perfect, he had a clear vision of what the future will look like.
She helped him to be the best version of himself, and he did it because of her.
He depending more and more on her, knowing that this is just exactly the same as he always dreamed of, as one of the stories that have been written in his own fairy tales just comes true.
His day began with a smirk on his face and at the end of the day, he had something to be grateful for, her.
It was a great time to be alive for him, one fine moment in his life.
Then reality hits him hard…
Stabbed him…
He didn’t realize that everything in this world comes to an end, he just couldn’t realize it, he was too busy or was just being ignorant about it.
Everything comes to an end, so the story of her vanished through the atmosphere. Leaving him broken and disappointed, a pain that he never felt in his entire life before.
The world suddenly became colorless to him, everything turned into black and white, everything was all about right and wrong, there are no spaces in between.
He learned from a cold truth that there’s nothing in this world that is permanent, there’s nothing certain, the only thing that is certain is the uncertainty itself.
That guy was me two years ago.
Now I look into things more differently than I used to do, I guess people changes, I built myself a huge wall surrounding myself, blocking emotions and affections from people around me. I pushed people away in my life before they even had the chance to know me.
That’s something that I had to do in order to protect myself, I just couldn’t do it again, the loneliness, the pains, its something that my poor heart could take.
But as I'm growing older and a little bit wiser, slowly I began to realize the world is not perfect, that makes me a person who lives inside it among billions of others who are imperfect too.
I accepted who I am and I accepted I also have a lot of flaws in my life, and nobody in this world designed to be perfect.
Perfection only exists in a world that I have created, in my own fairy tale, sadly that was not the world that I really lived in, though its the world that I hoped existed, it wasn’t.
The wall that I have built for myself slowly fades away as I embraced my own vulnerabilities, I’m opening myself again and try to face the world, meeting new people in life.
As a human being, vulnerability is something that makes us human, it's something that distinguishes us from a robot.
I’m grateful enough that I learned how the world works within my 20s, I couldn’t imagine myself losing in my own fantasies and just woke up when I’m in my late 40s.
Dedicating myself to do something for the community
After tons of things that I have been through, I believe as an average human being I have stories that are worth to be told, I’m dedicating myself to write even more about self-love topics.
As the community, the great writers have taught me a lot of valuable lessons that helped me through even in the darkest time of my life, I believe it’s my turn to return something to society.
I hope that my stories help everyone who is reading it, and I try my best to help people as I can, even as simple as writing articles, but the most important thing, writing also helps me and make me a better person.
